“He reached up and held his head, he hoped to be able to make the images stop but they continued. He slid down along the cold hard steel until he hit the floor. A small hand pressed against a six paneled window. The rain belted through the dark night against the glass and framed the image of the little hand in such an eerie way. He watched with his eyes closed as the little hand turned into large rocks in the harbor. The rocks froze in their place from fear as the massive waves from the storm crashed upon their jagged edges. His eyes were fixated on the rocks until the fog rolled in and blocked them from John’s sight. The horn from the lighthouse echoed throughout his body and lulled him into a deep relaxed state. He opened his eyes and gazed down upon the crumpled up photo in his hand. As he ran his finger over Kristen’s face he heard her voice, “Why won’t you let me in. why won’t you ever just let me in?” Medillia’s Lament, The Novel
Our body and mind have an incredible gift of being able to hold back memories and experiences that may be too painful for us to endure. As we become stronger as individuals they are then alerted somehow that we are stronger and ready to process bits and pieces of traumatic experiences we may have endured in the past without actually even remembering doing so. It’s curious to imagine that we as organisms are so incredibly complex and wired for survival in the most unimaginable ways. When I was growing up my mom often spoke of fate and how it seemed to be intertwined with free will. The two ideas never were much of a match to me and as I grew older I often contemplated how she could believe so strongly in both. As I am growing older and experiencing a wider range of life, I’m getting glimpses of how it may all be so.
John has lived a life of traumatic occurrences and experiences, probably more than one individual should ever be expected to carry on their shoulders. As he lets his guard down slowly and begins to allow light into his dark world he is triggered more and more by everyday items in an everyday world.