“John dragged his feet and slowed his pace as the crackling of the leaves beneath his shoes grew louder. The sound seemed to drown out the beating of his heart but the lump in his throat grew larger with each and every step. He raised his eyes and saw the two markers just ahead.” Medillia’s Lament, The Novel
What gives us the courage needed to face something we’ve been avoiding for more than a year? John has reached the place in the story where he needs to make amends so that he will be able to close this chapter and move forward with a new one. It’s ironic that I have put my own brakes on, not wanting this chapter to come to an end in my life. Just pages away from finishing the first draft of Medillia’s Lament, The Novel and then gearing up for an arduous editing session with Jody has me wondering, “what if?” more than I would like to admit. Mrs. Pope asked me today when this book was going to be finished so she could buy it. I smiled and shrugged my shoulders, hopefully very soon was all I could hear in my mind.
I had written an entire post about where I have been hanging out for the past few weeks, I went into explicit detail of the surprise trip I took to the E.R. and how it had temporarily affected my life. After I had finished a quick editing of the post, I hit publish and waited for the page to refresh. I’ve done this a thousand times and have never had any issues, except for tonight. It’s been a while since I’ve blogged or even written on a daily basis and it felt good to be back in the saddle. As I waited for the white screen to be filled with the images and text that I had emptied onto the keyboard, I felt satisfied with what I had decided to share. Then it was gone, all of it. The images and paragraphs that had seemed to flow from my fingertips had disappeared with one tap of a key and there was nothing I could do to get them back.
How many times have we all heard, “some things are better left unsaid?” Maybe a hundred or even a thousand times in each of our lifetimes, but how many times have I actually heeded the advice. Well maybe once, and that happens to be this time. So while I had previously decided to yet again bare all, this do over that was handed to me by a glitch in my publishing on WordPress, I’ve decided to instead focus on the beauty that I found after I had returned to our farm and the animals who live on it.
As I made my way into the barn, I was met by pungent odors that intoxicated my senses. It had been a few weeks since I last mucked out the goat’s stall, Kyle had graciously stepped in and taken over my daily routine. The sounds and sights that I had missed so much welcomed me and drew me in deeper to their calls. I lifted the rope and rested it on it’s rod iron hook above the latch. The goats raised their heads as I swung open the heavy wooden door and made my way into their stall to say hello. Comet and Jingle pushed back the two younger goats and each took one of my legs to rub up against. I held each of their ears and scratched them gently and then grabbed for their brush. My Wellingtons felt snug around my feet in the hot stickiness of Indian Summer. I had slipped them on in a hurry to get out to the barn without any socks on. I reached past the two older goats to say hello to Rudolph and Dasher before we all went outside to walk the fence.
I lost time in the barn during the past few weeks, I also seemed to stray away from writing and everything else that makes me, me. Life demanded that I take the bench and watch the world go by while I simply watched it. I spent hours in bed doing so while Bravo continuously streamed from the t.v. on Kyle’s dresser and Ruby tucked her long lab body next to mine with her head rested on her crossed paws.
Laying in bed while the rest of my family moved forward at the speed of light I determined something about the perfect time to do anything in life. I’ve always thought there was one and it lay somewhere in the distant future when things will have seemed to work themselves out a bit, but now I know that I’ve been wrong in that way of thinking. The perfect time to do anything in life is simply now. If you have the thought in your mind or the desire in your heart then there is truly no reason great or small to hold onto it or simply wait till the timing feels right. Now is the perfect time and always will be.
Stefan Marjoram- watching from afar
“She watched helplessly as the rage became apparent in her neighbor as he stormed into his house. The rage and its ugly cries made their way across the street and into her home. She didn’t have to guess what he was saying; she knew the script by heart. She quietly dialed the number for help and gave the operator the address for across the street. When she was finished she went into her room and packed only what she needed and what she cared about most. She never looked back. Twenty years had passed and the space it had created was a welcomed companion. Yet it only smoothed out the stings she had felt so many years ago. She carried their pain with her as a reminder of the choices she had once made. When the pain reared its ugly head it seemed as though it had all happened only yesterday but she knew it still had been enough time for a boy to become a man.” Medillia’s Lament, The Novel
Fear is a powerful thing, it can either stifle or motivate one to do something drastic or to recoil within one’s self. There’s a certain point most people will reach when they will say, “enough”. Until then fear has a way of smoldering one’s courage and holding them back. When I was in my twenties a business associate of mine used to quote his southern grandmother constantly. One of the lines that seemed to always stay with me was, “when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired you will finally do something different.” I’m not sure what it is inside of each of us that helps us flip the switch and triggers us to make a move for change in our life but there have been a few times that I have felt its power and ability to shift me, opening my eyes to other possibilities that may exist in life.