It’s funny how at certain times, certain ideas,things, and people seem to gravitate to you in life almost as if you are a magnet drawing them in. I can reason that since I have begun writing a book set in the 1600’s in New England that ideas, artifacts, and information are finding their way to me. I’ve put out a call for them, if you will, asking for as much information I can gather and the Universe has responded. Yet at the same time I seem to be bombarded with information of a scientific nature. Books, movies, and conversation about time and space and how they relate with one another are landing in my lap without ever a forethought or a mention for them. It’s almost as if bread crumbs are being scattered in front of me directing me to ,the next phase of my journey.
When I was very young, I remember passing time in long car rides by playing time games. I would imagine myself in the immediate future and pretend that I was already there, then I would quietly whisper NOW and pretend that I had traveled to the moment I had only imagined just seconds before. As I sit and try to describe to you it seems the silliest of silly, a simple child’s way to pass time in a car too young to care anything about the adult conversation in the front seat. Just like it was yesterday though I can put myself into the back seat of my parent’s car and relive the feeling of awe at the workings of time and how much of a mystery it seemed to be to me. Even though the simple game took place nearly forty years ago, the way in which my mind allows me to travel back and remember the sights, smells, and feelings I was experiencing makes it seem as though it was just minutes away.
Now as I drive to work or bring the girls to places they need to be, time is spent at stop lights and waiting for practices to be over with the discovery of a new gray hair. My blonde strands that used to turn green from the pool in the summer have darkened and now sharing ever so gently with me that time constantly moves forward and my body along with it. It’s a startling alarm waking me up to the many items waiting to be crossed off on my to do list. Ideas demanding to be laid down on pages, places yearning to be explored and experienced, and memories not yet created or enjoyed, are less patient than they once used to be.
When we moved to the farm nearly two years ago a memory resurfaced of a picture I had grown up looking at. I was too young in the photograph to remember the experience but being in and around the barn had made me want to hold the image in my hands again. I reached out to my sister who was also in the photograph hoping that she might still have it somewhere at her house. She responded that she did and it was actually set out on her bureau mirror. It was my first experience touching and being close to farm animals. As I grew up I would have never guessed that I would one day own a farm and take care of animals and share them with my family. Looking back over our own lives we almost have the ability to connect the dots of the events, experiences, and encounters that led up to where we are now. It’s almost as if we have a birds eye view of the crumbs that were dropped for us to hopefully pick up along the way to create the life we were born to live.
I feel the workings of the crumbs being dropped at my feet for the next part of my journey now as serendipitous moments unfold and coincidences pile up at my feet. The more that I seem to notice and embrace each of these happenings the more frequently they appear with a greater certainty of meaning. I’ve decided to embrace the crumbs being left at my feet and devour each and every one with the greatest sense of wonder and curiosity. I’ve chosen to be aware and awake and have readied my senses for the next adventure of my journey. I used to begrudgingly move forward one step at a time, slowly almost painstakingly, but now with a feeling of peace and acceptance of what may come I’m willing and wanting to experience the moments at hand knowing that everything always works out for the best in the end. It’s a huge help knowing that at any time if I’m feeling uncertain at a place that I’ve come to I only need to reach out and Kyle will slip his fingers into mine and join me to help make uncertainty a little clearer or darkness a little brighter.